Spark of feminism

 

I don’t know what exactly made me aware of the word “feminism” or helped me develop a connection with it, but I do know I was becoming a person who was aware of her rights and could see gender-based discrimination in everyday activities. Sometimes society unintentionally forces you to think right about yourself while fitting you inside the prejudice of the patriarchal system. The same happened when people put you in certain situations where you have to swing your mind by their irrelevant and so-called toxic questions. Once someone visits my home that day. As I entered the room, I expected him to say something about how much I had grown up, or about how my studies going on.

He looked at me and said words I will never forget: “Are you still that lazy, or have you learned to do some household chores now?”

Angry as I was, I shot back and said asked if he had ensured that his only son, who I knew had been brought up with outmost love and care, knew how to do “jhadu-pocha”.

He made a disgusted face, and we don’t speak anymore.

(Ok that may be the very quick reaction that puts me in a category of bad person in the eyes of my relatives, but seriously it doesn’t matter at all)

Every time I met this extended and rooted society, I braced myself for being told uncomfortable, misogynistic things repeatedly.

 “So when are you planning to get married?”

“Sure, we are okay with a job, but what if your husband has a problem?”

“What if your husband wants to eat homemade food every day?”

“Why are you laughing so loudly!!!”

“Arguing is not what girls do”

“Control your anger, this attitude will ruin your marriage”

And the one traditional, rather oppressive line reflecting misogyny: -

“Behave like a girl”

Why to behave like a girl when I can behave like a human first.

My frustration wasn’t just with that one relative, it was with a system. I used to look at my mother, a woman who has been doing house chores for almost her entire life and hate her for not resisting. I used to see my mother simply as a victim of patriarchy. It is not about just one household and this one incident, but thousands of similar incidents at different households. Feminism is not merely a definition that one can find while surfing the net, feminism is not something which you can use in hashtags to show your concerns. Neither it is about analyzing critical issues related to women nor about pen down the feminity. Feminism is beyond books, definition, blame games, and gender equality. One can be feminist when you asked why freedom is limited by times. You can be feminist when you ask why every conversation comes to the kitchen. Feminism starts when a girl asks who made the “behave like a girl” module and why I need to follow it. Feminism is when you break patriarchal conventions that limit you. Ask yourself when the spark of feminism takes place in you. It is not just about me or you, who are privileged enough to pursue the career of their own choice – it is also about those who are not privileged, who are not aware. No one is born or raised as a feminist but you can be a self-made feminist which is a step to remove the intangible restrictions on the lives of women.

From Draupadi to nirbhaya there is no end. Even in the 21st century, you must stick to femininity but any deviance and you have to meet with terrible catastrophes. They expect you to be clad with modernity but what is modernity remains to be defined by society. Maybe one day, I used to think, the society will learn to understand without being blinded by the notions of a perfect girl who does all the house-work and still manages to top in college and has a job prospect as well – all along with a desire to get married at the “right” age.

It may take another century to let any woman to just be aware of these things and yet another to change it, but that does not mean we have to stop. So keep squashing stereotypes, discourage body shaming, invite others, and seek help.