Perfectionism : A myth

 
(Bhagavad Geeta chapter 2: 62,63)

Lord Krishna said:

When a person constantly think about objects, attachments for those object arises in the mind

From attachment, desire is born and

From desire, anger is born

From anger comes delusion

From delusion comes to lose of memory

From the loss of memory comes the destruction of intellect

and once the intellect is destroyed, a person perishes.

Imagination is defined as, an act or power of forming a mental image; creative ability. Imagination allows the individual to escape reality for a moment and travel to another place they created that is safe and happy. For instance, some people who read stories that focus on romance may project themselves within the story. Films, television, magazines, and novels are the current avenues for cultural storytelling. Not fully realizing that one must be careful not to place emphasis on the “fantasy of the fairy-tale, for example, imagining a relationship that is always happy, with no negative aspects. 

The research presented here depicted how people are affected by lofty ideals of romance that will carry over into their adult narratives and adult expectations that love is everlasting, always true, and is never negative or unhealthy.

People may wish or dream but when the fantasy does not materialize they get disappointed again by their own unconscious desires. Trying to build the perfect relationship with no flaws or betrayal and maintaining an everlasting fidelity could lead to exhaustion. As love is all about learning how to tolerate one’s inner opposites.

The person may become disenchanted with this world and demand a change thereby provoking both the male and female inner and outer worlds to erupt, resulting in chaos within the relationship. As a result, subtle suffering and loneliness will settle into the unconscious psyche of the People which may produce more pain. The pain and suffering could manifest into depression or anxiety disorder.

For example, at the beginnings of a relationship person may downplay their own needs to satisfy their partner. This could be an unconscious ongoing characteristic of the person, who may be trying to secure a committed relationship. If the dynamics within the relationship become disenchanting, each partner may want change resulting in possible confusion, disillusionment, and anger. High emotions will then be played out within the relationship possibly resulting in chaos and pain holding.

No matter in which relationship you are into but whenever expectations take place, gradually everything begins to change which definitely going to affect you in all aspects. And no matter how a person could try harder but he can never fulfills the expectations of others. So, stop expecting from others, stop imagining things, stop overthinking, stop searching for perfectionism.

if there's one piece of advice you take away from this article, it would be this:

Have the conversations you need to have with the people you are closest to. Tell them the truth. Tell them how you feel about everything — about what you want to do, where you want to work, your insecurities, how you feel about their expectations, and everything else. It will absolutely change your life. Even if they get angry and react poorly, their level of respect for you will be enormous.

IN THE WORLD OF FAKE PERFECTIONISM, BE IN LOVE WITH FLAWED REALITY.

“Am I Enough?” - Idealism of Perfect body

 “Beauty” or “Perfect body”!!! What image hits your mind? Is it fair with large eyes, having silky hairs, a small nose, and an hourglass body??   If so, you’re not alone. That’s how it all started. With nearly 883K posts on Instagram with the “body image” hashtag and 4,58,00,00,000 results in google, body image is something which now people recognize. Body image is the mental representation an individual creates of themselves. As a teen, you’re going through lots of changes in your body. And, as your body changes, so do your image of yourself. It’s not always easy to like every part of your looks, but when you get stuck on the negatives it can really bring down your self-esteem. Most of us have something we don't like about our appearance — a crooked nose, an uneven smile, or eyes that are too large or too small. And though we may fret about our imperfections, they don’t interfere with our daily lives.

 The trouble is that people’s body image is constantly being discussed everywhere – on television, screens, magazines. And if you’re somebody who’s vulnerable, it’s really easy to snap into a very low mood and think what may be the answer. It all started from the surroundings, the society who actively participated to make perceptions about your body. There are certain myths that are still prevalent in our society like having fair skin makes you much more beautiful in comparison to the dark one and that things force you to judge yourself on the basis of the scale of beauty. 

It’s all started when you:-

⦁ Focuses excessive

 ⦁ attention on a minor flaw in appearance.

⦁ Views oneself as unattractive, even ugly.

⦁ Avoids social engagements.

⦁ Constantly hides the perceived flaw with makeup or clothes.

⦁ Constantly compares one’s appearance with other people.

⦁ Pursues excessive cosmetic procedures or surgery.

⦁ Needs reassurance from others ("Do I look fat in this?").

⦁ Is never satisfied with the appearance

People who harbor a negative view of their bodies may have chronic bleak and obsessive thoughts about the way they look. Body dissatisfaction can be minor, too bad my nose is so big, or it can be severe, I hate everything about my body. Once you start to think that you have a flaw, your mind runs with the distraction and turns it into more than it is. All of which affects the way you think and feel about how you look, and about life in general. 

What to do now?

Always keep in mind that your body will be your most faithful companion throughout your life…cherish it.

Three simple rules to be remember

⦁ Accept your body

⦁ Like your body

⦁ Take care of your body

Everybody wants to be liked and accepted just as they are. That's true for every BODY, too! See your body the way it is. Be less of a critic. Be more of a friend.

Start to surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are. Who aren’t afraid of you. Who keeps reminding you that you are worthy of love and appreciation. you should be attracted to mindsets....one should see how people think, cause looks ain't enough.

To finish on a positive note, I'd like to report on the final tip from one of the article I read: next time you see yourself in a mirror: smile. And remember that, while in a first encounter others may focus on our appearance for the first ten seconds, thereafter it’s what we say and do that really steers what they think of us. 

Why art journaling is a good idea !!

Being a student, this lockdown has been very taxing. I am an introvert and I didn’t really know how to manage my routine initially – nothing gripped my interest. I feel it is important to realize what is affecting your mental health and obviate it at the right time.

One afternoon, I was going through my Instagram to drive away the boredom – and I came across a few images of journals that were very colorful and artistic. I had never wanted to be an artist – painting is kinda time-consuming. Lastly, I had drawn something when I was in 12th, as I opt for drawing as an optional subject rather than physical education, I thought this subject would be easy ( but I was wrong !!). After 12th I never look back to the creative side ( except biology diagrams ). So after some of the research work, I finally came to know what art journaling is all about( after all I have a lot of time to waste😑). Though I have some personal grudges from drawing after the 12th but still all images looked so fascinating that I thought let's give a try ( actually I have nothing productive to do😕). 

And what I found that it is the process of how you can get to know your inner self better and be more honest to yourself.

What art journaling is all about?

Basically an art journal is a combination of writing and painting, and the best part is that you don’t have to be perfect in either. An art journal is a visual diary; it combines elements of writing, drawing, painting, collage, and even printmaking to express yourself. This includes your everyday life, as well as your bigger hopes, dreams, and fears. A single page will often fuse words and illustrations to offer a look at what's going on inside your head.  It is a way to practice self-care. It encourages you to take a little time for yourself—even if it’s just for 15 minutes a day. You can start whenever you want to; you can draw or write ANYTHING, about yourself, about your fear, dreams, hope, breakdown, wishes, etc. 

One page of my personal journal....( yes i'm still learning)

When you look back at what you’ve written, drawn, or stamped, you can gain valuable insight into the challenges in your life. Trust me on this one.

Your personal mess

Art journaling is completely customizable depending on your skills and interests. Art journals look great when you fill the page, so whatever the size you choose, make sure it compliments the way you like to work. My favorite thing about art journaling is that it lets you be free in artistic expression. What does that mean? It literally means you have no boundaries. You can use whatever medium or tool you want. Your art journal can take anything you put in it.

Art journaling is easy, like you can just scribble something in it, write a part of a poem or a quote and decorate it a bit. It doesn’t make you overthink and prepare a bunch of supplies or take you a lot of time. But it is still a fulfilling and productive creative process. As a result, an art journal becomes your personal outlet for art and for your emotions as well. It is only yours. Nobody has to see it ever.

You can combine art and journaling and have something only for yourself to express who you really are. Don’t forget it’s going to be your personal stuff and you can portray yourself in the way you want to without hiding.

It becomes a kind of artistic diary. It can help you express your emotions in a number of ways. You choose. You can take your time and deal with emotions while still practicing art. So, while creating in it, you can also deal with what’s deep inside you and trust the process. The result is not that important, whatever the result, you enjoy the process!

 Because, remember, nobody is watching, and nobody is judging in this process. It is just about you.

And finally, you are going to have a wonderful alone time, with no one there to judge you. As Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” so why not try once ??? 

Only you, your thoughts, your emotions, and your art.

-Komal Singh

 

My secret confession...

Sometimes his imagination is so wild that I don’t know what comment should I make,

The silly things he does often made me feel hopeless,

But sometimes he is really funny

He is so interesting I can’t help following him

Whenever I see him it feels everything’s stop for a while,

The way he looks at me makes me numb and nervous

Surrounded by tons of people but still alone, at that time he had dragged me out of my quiet and cold world.

I began to feel things from his perspective, I found no matter how serious the matter is he could handle it in a wonderful way.

However, I’m boring and dismal I’m not qualified to have him.

I thought I would return to my quiet and cold world at worst but luckily he is willing to bring me back to the noisy human world again.

I have learned that a view is only fine when he is part of it…….

Spark of feminism

 

I don’t know what exactly made me aware of the word “feminism” or helped me develop a connection with it, but I do know I was becoming a person who was aware of her rights and could see gender-based discrimination in everyday activities. Sometimes society unintentionally forces you to think right about yourself while fitting you inside the prejudice of the patriarchal system. The same happened when people put you in certain situations where you have to swing your mind by their irrelevant and so-called toxic questions. Once someone visits my home that day. As I entered the room, I expected him to say something about how much I had grown up, or about how my studies going on.

He looked at me and said words I will never forget: “Are you still that lazy, or have you learned to do some household chores now?”

Angry as I was, I shot back and said asked if he had ensured that his only son, who I knew had been brought up with outmost love and care, knew how to do “jhadu-pocha”.

He made a disgusted face, and we don’t speak anymore.

(Ok that may be the very quick reaction that puts me in a category of bad person in the eyes of my relatives, but seriously it doesn’t matter at all)

Every time I met this extended and rooted society, I braced myself for being told uncomfortable, misogynistic things repeatedly.

 “So when are you planning to get married?”

“Sure, we are okay with a job, but what if your husband has a problem?”

“What if your husband wants to eat homemade food every day?”

“Why are you laughing so loudly!!!”

“Arguing is not what girls do”

“Control your anger, this attitude will ruin your marriage”

And the one traditional, rather oppressive line reflecting misogyny: -

“Behave like a girl”

Why to behave like a girl when I can behave like a human first.

My frustration wasn’t just with that one relative, it was with a system. I used to look at my mother, a woman who has been doing house chores for almost her entire life and hate her for not resisting. I used to see my mother simply as a victim of patriarchy. It is not about just one household and this one incident, but thousands of similar incidents at different households. Feminism is not merely a definition that one can find while surfing the net, feminism is not something which you can use in hashtags to show your concerns. Neither it is about analyzing critical issues related to women nor about pen down the feminity. Feminism is beyond books, definition, blame games, and gender equality. One can be feminist when you asked why freedom is limited by times. You can be feminist when you ask why every conversation comes to the kitchen. Feminism starts when a girl asks who made the “behave like a girl” module and why I need to follow it. Feminism is when you break patriarchal conventions that limit you. Ask yourself when the spark of feminism takes place in you. It is not just about me or you, who are privileged enough to pursue the career of their own choice – it is also about those who are not privileged, who are not aware. No one is born or raised as a feminist but you can be a self-made feminist which is a step to remove the intangible restrictions on the lives of women.

From Draupadi to nirbhaya there is no end. Even in the 21st century, you must stick to femininity but any deviance and you have to meet with terrible catastrophes. They expect you to be clad with modernity but what is modernity remains to be defined by society. Maybe one day, I used to think, the society will learn to understand without being blinded by the notions of a perfect girl who does all the house-work and still manages to top in college and has a job prospect as well – all along with a desire to get married at the “right” age.

It may take another century to let any woman to just be aware of these things and yet another to change it, but that does not mean we have to stop. So keep squashing stereotypes, discourage body shaming, invite others, and seek help.